you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so let's talk penis.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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