she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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