I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize