Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
