go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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