I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
