im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
