She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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