I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
