Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
