You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
