just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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