Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
