so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize