Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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