Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
