I wish I could punch you in the face.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
