the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
