Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
