Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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