my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
