Already got asked if we're dating
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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