he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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