i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
