dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize