I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Randomize
