If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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