Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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