Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
