My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
