You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize