we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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