I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My cat gives me a boner
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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