apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
