dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize