Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish I only lived at night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
