i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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