i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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