If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
