well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
