listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
