After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
