My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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