the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
