Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
