you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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