Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My balls are so social today.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
