my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
