What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
