Cold hands, warm shart.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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