Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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