he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
