Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i think i have two assholes
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
