her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
