Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
