Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
