we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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