Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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