you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's just like the Real World with babies
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
