the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I pour the whiskey from now on
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
