Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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