so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
