we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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