Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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