She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Slut skills are useful in every country.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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