What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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