new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
