I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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