She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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