You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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