toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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