I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
