my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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