i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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