I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
