your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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