Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize