sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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