This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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