I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
