how can u be prego again
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize