He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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