This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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