remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
