Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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