I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
