i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
