dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
