Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
