u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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