Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
