Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
