Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
