I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize