she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
