you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
