She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
