you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
