1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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