I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize