Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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