Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize